We
got back to Ireland after a horrible 17 plus hours journey from
London by cab, tube, coach and ferry. I sent non-stop texts to my
eldest and had very little money left after we sold what we could and
gave the rest away. All I had left after fares etc was £45. I met an
Irish bloke on the coach who said he'd been robbed. I asked him
how did he still have his passport then, he replied his mammy always
told him to keep it in his pocket for safety. I told him I was
skint but I gave him £10. I later saw him on the ferry downing
pints, what a mug I am.
Eldest
texted me that Dad had gone out to work for few hours (on a
Saturday!) It turned out he was gone for 8 hours and got back at 7pm
and went back out at 7.10pm to a BBQ at his new female friends house.
My eldest was left home alone.
Me
and my youngest had to wait two hours in Dublin after a long journey
to get a coach so no sleep has been had by us both. Eldest was awake
and texting me that Dad was now home.
At
last we were in the nearest town to our old home. I left my youngest
with the luggage and went off to find a cab. I'd run out of phone
credit so couldn't reply to my eldests text of “call me quickly”
The
taxi man was chatting away to us, I told him what I might be
expecting at our destination and that it would not be a happy home
coming. He told me “don't be worrying” When we got to the turning
of the cottage lane way there was the husband in his car blocking the
lane way and texting away to someone on his phone. I told the cabbie
“drive on, drive on” and tried to slide down the foot well of his
cab but he said “Oh no you don't, I'll sort him out if he tries
anything” Husband looked up and recognition dawned with him and if
looks could kill I would be stone dead, even tho he knew we were
coming back for my eldest. He then realised that the cabbie had also
seen him so he looked up again and smiled, then allowed us to pass
but he reversed like a bat out of hell up towards the cottage too and
jumped out of his car and into the house before us. My dog jumped out
of his car window and ran to us, she had not forgotten us at all,
bless her. He came out of the house just as the cab driver got our
luggage out. The bollix must have been making sure he had secured all
he wanted secured in the house. He said “I like your bag” a very
weird thing to say to the wife he had not see for 9 months and he
didn't utter a word to my youngest who he also hadn't seen in 9
months. He asked me “can I take the dog, I'm going up the mountains
climbing” this from a man who could not walk the length of his own
arse, nor ever walk the dog with me. I said “no, she decided
herself when she jumped out of your car window” I asked him “How
long had you planned to leave eldest home alone again today” he
replied “not long” and off he went.
I
entered the house and it was stinking and absolutely filthy, a manky,
mucky disgrace, my feet were sticking to the filthy laminate that had
not seen a wash in Christ knows how long. I said out loud, “how the
hell could he live like this and expect eldest to do so too”
Eldest
came out of his room all flustered asking me why I didn't text him
back, he'd grown so much, at least a foot more. I grabbed him and
cried. His bedroom looked like a bomb site, a cave, his windows were
barricaded so that no light got thru, it was a dank less, dark pit in
there. God almighty I could kill the ex. My eldest let me hug him but
I noticed he was clutching my top and pulling it away from me and not
hugging me back but he was making an effort. I put that down to me
not being here for months. I told him I'm sorry that he had to learn
the hard way and chose not to leave with us but I will never leave
him again.
He
and youngest sat down for a chat and they talked about computer
games. I told them we could not live in filth so I put the water on
to heat so I could get the filthy hell hole cleaned. We needed at
least one room habitable.
My
old bedroom door had three bolts on it, my sons helped me break them,
no damage was done to the door but slight damage was done to the
framework. I would caulk it later. I have never seen a mess like it
in my life, a pigsty would have been be cleaner to live in. God knows
where husband had been sleeping but it certainly wasn't here, the
double bed was covered, every square inch of it with all his work
crap including tools, boxes and estate agents brochures. I got black
sacks and I ferreted thru all the rubbish and bagged it all up. I
stripped the bed as the duvet and sheets were grey thru lack of
washing and the smell was putrid. I went thru the bedside drawers,
there was not a lot in them except receipts and biscuits and empty
biscuit packets, there were not many clothes in the drawers, nor the
wardrobe, so my eldest was correct after all and no one in L Social
Services or the Garda who I rang and spoke to from London believed me
or my eldest, they merely took that spiteful bastards words that he
had not moved anything out, he told them he was not living anywhere
else at all. There were numerous wine bottles that were now empty all
over the bedroom and the kitchen. The bedroom fireplace was filthy
with dried candle wax dripped everywhere.
I
did as much cleaning as I could before almost dropping thru lack of
sleep and nerves. The fridge was completely empty, the freezer had
lots of out of date foods and all his disappearing acts were down to
him “food shopping” apparently, that is what he told my eldest
and the Garda, the bastard lying piece of scum. This is a disgrace.
How could he have done this to his own son and why the fuck were the
social work Dept not visiting the house themselves after I and
another service contacted them, they would have seen immediately the
way my eldest was left to live with that evil piece of scum, thank
god I came back for him.
I
took time out and made myself a cup of tea. I was sitting at the
front of cottage, the boys were kicking a football around in the back
garden, it was a roasting hot day and he then returned. He had sent
me a text asking “do you want to go shopping” but I couldn't
reply because I'd no phone credit. I told him “you look remarkably
white for someone who's been mountain climbing for the past five
hours” the only red part of him was his face because he blushed
bright red. I said “so eldest would have been left abandoned like
he was yesterday, like he was today and every other bloody day prior
to this” he said “well I'm back now aren’t I” I told him “you
are so bloody transparent with your lies that your sheer” He
noticed the bedroom door was open and he went nuts “why the hell
have you done that, you only had to ask and I would have unlocked it”
I said “bullshit and anyway you were not here the past five hours
to ask” he said “why can't you move into the boys bedroom with
them” I asked him “would you move in there” he said “yes” I
said “well off you go and move in there, problem solved” he was
not a happy man, he started lifting things out of the house and
putting them into the back of his car, he was moaning and bitching
about me having touched his belongings “our belongings” I
reminded him and “quite a lot of them are not here so where are
they” I got ignored. He removed a long black lead from the phone
and the attic, no doubt recordings made whenever me and eldest spoke,
he even took the extension lead from the bedroom, the awful bastard.
I
was still sitting with my tea in the sunshine when he came out
roaring and shouting “you have stolen my fags” I said “I do not
smoke that brand” he found his own lying on his car seat. I told
him “off you trot now, you're as free as a bird, isn’t that what
you wanted, isn’t that why you were a cruel bastard to us all,
isn’t that why you made my life and the boy’s life and then my
eldests life as miserable as sin” he looked at me and said “Free,
I never wanted any of this, I never wanted a fucking psychopathic
wife and psychopathic kids” I just laughed. He said he would be
back for the rest of his belongings and he left. As a parting shot,
he shouted at me “You are a psychopathic fucking bitch” I stayed
where I was, finishing my cup of tea and replied “AND DON'T YOU
EVER FORGET IT”
I
hope I sounded calm and strong because I sure did not feel it. I was
quaking inside. But I'm not the woman I was when I left him, I'm back
to being the woman he first met, the strong, take no crap woman and I
like that woman.
I
finished cleaning the main bedroom and told my sons we would all
sleep in that room together until I could get the other room cleaned
out, it looked like we would need a skip to sort that room out. It
was lovely having the three of us plus my dog in the bed, we talked
till the early hours of the morning, I told my eldest when he was
ready to talk I would listen and make sure that someone in authority
knew all that his father did to him. We had a great nights sleep.
I
rang the ex asking him when he would collect rest of his things
because I was not having my eldest stressed out about him turning up
unannounced whenever he liked. No reply.
Next
morning, Monday, I got a text from him asking me if I needed
anything. I used the land line phone to text him back saying no,
because I'd already been to the local shop with my sons. In total I
got five texts from him, one text asked for “your bank details
because I need to support my children” which was bullshit because
he knew I had no bank account in Ireland and was using a Building
Society account in the UK that you cannot access in Ireland. It's all
for show off course. I knew he has no intention of doing any such
thing, he told me enough times “you will never, ever get anything
from me” His last text said he was coming to the house with some
shopping but that he'd broken down because his engine was overheating
and he had no water. Not another word out of him till he turned up at
midnight with bread, bacon and sausages, he said he had €100 for me
and he wanted a receipt signed for it, he took the shampoo and his
razor from the bathroom and spouted some lies about staying with the
ex-husband of his female friend that he seemed to have forgotten only
a couple of weeks ago that he told me that she and her husband had a
very strong marriage and he felt he was the man's soul mate because
they got on so well. He really should make sure he remembers all the
lies he tells. He's an idiot.
I
told him I wanted the family computer, he pointed to an empty case on
the floor and said “there it is” eldest shouted “he's a liar,
there's nothing in that case” I said “Oh just like the
non-existent Chinese take away you once convinced me you had got and
was on the floor” I told him he was “pathetic” he left but
hovered at the front door and asked “are you definitely staying
then” I said “ looks that way doesn't it, I was given no choice
in the matter due to your abuse and abandonment of my eldest” he
left sighing heavily.
Next
day, Tuesday, I and youngest were walking back from the village and
there were missed calls from him to my mobile phone. He then sent a
text saying he was minutes away from the cottage asking if we needed
anything. I still couldn't reply, I had no Irish Sim card and I
couldn't answer international calls because I had no credit for them.
Once home I texted him from the land line again requesting the family
computer. He rang me, complaining about his car playing up and he
needed to get it to the garage, he was complaining about where he was
working locally. I told him I did not ask where he was or where he
was going, all I wanted was the family computer for my sons, he
started screaming “I am running around like a blue arsed flea and
need the computer for work, it’s the tool of my trade” that
pissed me off, he already had two laptops and no frigging engineer
carries a large server from job to job. The family computer I
contributed to it with my wages and I wanted it back for my sons. I
reminded him he only removed it from cottage to punish my eldest, he
told me he would speak to his solicitor, I said “you had better
also tell your solicitor that I am an inch away from getting you
arrested for cruelty to a minor” he said “that's bollix, it's not
my fault eldest stayed at home and locked himself in his room all day
and every day” I said “so it's not his fault you battered him,
starved him yet hid biscuits in your sock drawer so he could not get
any, it's not his fault that you left him alone in an empty house for
full weekends chasing woman and he'd nothing to give him one bit of
comfort” he said “eldest is lying” I said “he is not” and
reminded him I rang B who he referred to as his “on line bitch”
when I was in London in an attempt to track him down, silence from
him, again I told him “I need the family computer for my sons so
deliver us computer parts so my eldest can make us one” he told me
“no that would take too long” I exploded “you drove 103 miles
to fix B's computer and you are right now one mile away from the
cottage and have access to all computer parts thru your work” he
told me “go fuck yourself” and hung up.
I
decided his cruelty is no longer going to be hidden and I rang his
brother R and I told him all going on and someone needs to have a
word with him. R told me he thinks “both husband and you have anger
management problems” I told him “the pope would have anger
management problems putting up with your brother and his cruel,
vindictive and spiteful ways” then told him a few home truths about
himself and his own domestic abuse towards his wife J and I said “I'm
sorry it took me so long to realise you are all touched with the
loony brush and if your mother could not send my youngest any
Birthday or Christmas card like she did for my eldest then tell her
not to bother at all any more because that's very cruel and spiteful
to give to one child and not the other and husband kept any money she
sent my eldest anyway and I slammed the phone down. That whole family
are nuts, it's just a pity it took me so damn long to realise.
I
had to ring him because I wanted to get the Child Benefit book so we
had at least some money coming in for us, he told me he didn't have
it, he said he cancelled it as soon as I got back. I know he's lying.
I rang the Child Benefit people in Letterkenny and they told me that
they had not heard anything from him at all. Lying swine that he is.
I
rang an agency in County S and spoke to a lady. She was a good laugh,
she said N had let her know I'd be calling once I got back to
Ireland, she said I should be proud of myself for giving up my new
life and coming back here for my son and that one day my eldest would
be proud of me and would appreciate it, she said he will know which
parent was there for him when he needed them and I've proved how
strong I am and have shown great strength so far and it's good to
talk to me because I'm so funny and great craic.
I've
actually been begging him to send us money and coal or provide us
with food, it's a bank holiday and we are freezing and starving, we
have nothing, all the food in the freezer is out of date. How can he
do this to his own children. He's had in three years, €490,000 go
thru his bank accounts yet I'm left with nothing.
I
contacted the agency again after spending the first week of August
with nothing from him, if it was not for my old neighbour and
wonderful friend C we would have been fucked, not even a TV do we
have because he ignored all requests to fix it, the kids are
demented. He knows we have nothing, no money, no food, no transport,
he stopped all communication.
I
heard a lorry outside the cottage at 10pm, we all crapped ourselves,
it was a coal man dropping off two bags of coal, the swine of an ex
could not even let me know it was being sent to the house.
A
cab driver turned up at the house this afternoon, he had my child
benefit that I had to beg the swine ex for, the same child benefit
book he had told me he cancelled the last time I asked about it. It
was the same cab driver who brought me and youngest back when we had
to return, he said “yer man's not paid me and the fare is €20”
he said “I was ready for punching yer man, talking about you
something awful in front of everybody he is, I had to tell him to
shut up because I didn't want to hear any more of his slagging of
you, he's not very nice is he, I won't tell you all he's saying, it's
not good tho”
I
rang P the L Social worker to come out to house to meet us all. She
tried to engage with my eldest whilst I was in London and arranging
to get back for him, she'd offered to take him out for a Burger King
but then told him she had to speak to his dad and he freaked out at
that and no wonder, the man is as mad as a march hare, only my eldest
would have suffered those consequences so he would not speak to P
again. When she came out to see us at the cottage she was lovely but
my eldest just sat with his back to her and would not talk to her or
even look at her. I was so embarrassed by his behaviour. She told me
she was now closing the file on eldest because I was back but she
said the dad was insisting that she rang him and filled him in on all
going on with us and he's claiming he's very worried about about his
wife and youngest due to my eldests abuse of him! He was insisting
Social Workers kept a track of us. I told her I find that all highly
amusing because he's not in the least bit worried about us eating,
about us having no heat, about our total isolation, he's ignoring all
texts and calls. P said she will not be phoning him and will not be
telling him anything because it's no longer his business as I'm now
primary carer and eldest is living with me and if he wants to do
anything about it she said he can take it to court.
I
rang the agency to say thank you to them for helping my eldest whilst
I was trying to get back for him. The woman I used to see at the
local hotel when I was at my worst before I left had taken my email
sent from London about my fears and worries for my eldest to C Social
Work Dept. She was out when I rang but I spoke to a lady called P and
she told me the swine had been on the phone to them complaining about
my eldests violence and stated he wanted something done about it, he
also wanted a report made because he claimed he was very concerned
for the safety and well being of his wife and youngest child. I went
nuts and told her the truth. I told her I'm an old client of theirs
and the exact reason I was their client and the reasons I left, the
reasons I was forced to leave by the ex and the reason my eldest
stayed and the reason I had to freaking return. P advised I get an
immediate Protection Order against him because “if he could fool
us, he could fool anyone” She told me to contact Mary Kellegher,
the head of social work in L re all that had gone on with him. I said
I'd already been in touch with them from London but I rang her anyway
at 4pm.
Mary
Kellegher said “isn’t it brilliant that you came back for eldest”
I told her everything that had gone on, she told me “make it your
first priority to get away and keep yourselves safe, help will be
available no matter where you go if you need it, your eldest needs to
feel settled and safe first then perhaps he will confide in someone
and make a detailed statement to the Garda but not to consider this
until eldest is gone from where all his torment took place”
I
told her everything that eldest had told me that had gone on, no
food, no heat, removal of all his belongings, the same as the ex had
done to me, the booze he bought eldest to take to school for his 14th
birthday, the violence, the neglect, the verbal abuse, the cruelty,
the lies he was telling my eldests school friends and now apparently
to the agency who helped me before I left him.
He
stopped giving us any money, he did not give us any more food or
coal, he did not text or ring, all my calls went to voice mail, all
my begging him for food or money by text went ignored, we were left
to rot, once again. If it was not for C calling me up to find out how
I was then coming to our rescue then visiting us with her husband and
son then we would have been in real trouble. She took me to the
village and filled a basket up and paid for it and told me that was
for us because she had missed Xmas and Birthdays and I bawled my eyes
out at her kindness. My friend who I had not seen for months cared
more about my children's welfare than their own father, what a
bastard he is. I will never forgive him and I will never forget what
C did, she also had two separate bag for my sons which were full of
juice, crisps and chocolate, my god the look on their faces at
luxuries made me cry, they do not deserve this frigging misery he has
left us with at all. I truly despise a man that could do this to his
own kids. C told me that her husband said things might be difficult
for us but he had never seen me look so good. C said that is a huge
compliment from him. They will be my friends till the day I die.
A
letter arrived from a solicitor I used in the past, she enclosed a
letter from the swine, all containing spurious lies and claiming he
did not know anything about my return and said I turned up out of the
blue and threw him out, he claimed I've destroyed his property, that
I am harassing him, that I'm threatening to throw out his belongings
into the street. I rang her up and she agreed to work for me and be
paid once the house was sold. I supplied her with every piece of
documentation and information I had, of all his many bank accounts,
of all missing funds, my hospital visit where he had me fly thru the
air and injured my coccyx, all he had done to my eldest, the social
workers in L involved. She then asked me “how are the children”
and only then did I break down and cry and told her his balls should
be on a plate for all he has done to them.
N
from an agency that I contacted from London and P the Social Worker
told me I had to see a Community Welfare Officer in C on S because we
were entitled to an emergency payment. I didn't know we were entitled
to anything because I'm married and had a working husband somewhere.
After
getting the emergency payment I bought as much food and cupboard
stuff as I could afford because I didn't know when another cent was
coming our way. I just got back in the cottage when the phone rang,
it was the solicitor, she said I had to get to her office immediately
to collect court papers to take to C on S to apply for an emergency
barring order. I told her I'd no transport and the nearest bus stop
was over 2 miles away, she said “after everything you told me
earlier and especially for eldests sake you need to get this
emergency barring order and it has to be done tomorrow because the
courts will be closed until September” I had no idea of the bus
times so I decided to start walking, my youngest said he would go
with me, eldest said he wouldn't go and told me we were mad to even
attempt to walk in this heat so he'd stay at home. I told him it's
for his benefit so he could stop worrying every time he heard a car
because he thought it was his Dad. I checked and locked all the doors
and shut all the windows and told eldest how to double snib the front
door so no one with a key could get in and he had my dog to protect
him too. The temperature was in the 90's. Off we went walking. It was
21.4 KM away but I was hoping to see a bus.
It
was boiling hot, we ran out of water, we were walking on a duel
carriageway. I could taste the salt on my top lip, my back was now
killing me, my eldest was right, we must be mad attempting this.
P
the social worker rang my mobile phone. I told her what we were doing
and that I needed to get to L so I could get into the court in the
morning and get this Barring Order to give eldest a bit of peace so
he could relax and sleep as he was still worried about his father
turning up whenever he wanted and we don't get informed by him if he
was coming to the house. P told me she wished she could come and give
us a lift but she was so busy. She wished us luck for tomorrow.
We
had a bit of a fright with a white van man, a bloke drove past us
then drove back and did a U turn shouting something from across the
road to me, my gut was screaming so I ignored him, I told youngest if
he came near us he had to run as fast as he could away from him, the
bloke, eventually got back in his van and drove off.
I
started promising angels everything if we could just get out of the
heat and get a lift because I did not feel we could go much further,
we crossed the road of the dual carriage way and I saw my youngest
stoop down and pick things up from grass verge, the grass was very
high, youngest had money in his hands, €90, I couldn't believe it,
what were the chances of that happening, money just on the side of a
dual carriageway, my son is one lucky boy, firstly to have seen it
and for us to have crossed the road when we did for him to find it. I
have never been so happy to have finished a walk, both of us had
every muscle pulsating in us, we had walked for two hours and were
still nowhere near L. I rang a taxi to come and get us and asked the
driver if the money was real first just in case it wasn't. He said
“it sure is” We stopped off at the solicitors office to collect
the paperwork I needed for tomorrow then picked up more shopping from
Lidl then came home again.
The
creepy cab driver who drove us back inappropriately tried to hit on
me in front of my youngest, disgusting creature that he was. When I
got out to pay him, he held onto my hand for far too long and got a
huge wad of cash out of his pocket, he was just showing off, he must
have mistaken me for a hooker or something, he gave me the bloody
shudders. He asked for my phone number, I gave him my English number
because I will never use it again. My youngest asked me why I would
give him my number when he's a creep, I told him I was a bit worried
because the creep now knows where we live in an isolated area so
that's why I didn't bite the head of him verbally and tell him to
piss off in case of any comeback because we now lived on our own.
That creep did in fact ring my English phone number but I would not
have touched him with anyone else's never mind mine. Ugh!!
Eldest
did not believe we found money, he thought we were winding him up but
he was happy that we got more shopping and that I would be going to
court in the morning.
N
the lovely local taxi man from took me and youngest to Court. I went
first into the Garda station and asked for Garda G because I spoke to
him a lot from London and he did all he could to try and help my
eldest and I wanted to thank him in person. He was manning the
stations front desk, he shook my and youngests hand and said “it
was a queer set up altogether, I didn't like that man's attitude at
all, he seemed to put himself out to get the lad into bother and out
of house and your boy is a very lucky boy having you came back for
him” and he wished us all luck.
Next
stop was the courthouse, the court clerk was a very nice and friendly
old man, he told me what the set up was and what I had to do and had
to say, he told me it would all be informal and would not take place
in the actual court room but in a side room. The Judge was lovely, he
asked me why I was applying for a Barring Order, I told him I had
been advised twice and told him all that had gone on with the ex and
my eldest and even tho I'm now back and would like to rip the head of
the ex and would do so if he came near either of my sons but my
eldest is still not at ease due to the ex landing at our doorstep any
time he liked as in 10pm, midnight etc. I had to explain all previous
domestic abuse when we lived with him and now he'd done exactly the
same to my eldest re no food, no light, no heat, no TV, no computer,
no shoes. I told him my eldest had been getting calls and texts from
lads at his school telling him his Dad was stopping them in the
street and telling them that my eldest was “off his head” and
“tried to stab me” and more lies like that. I told the Judge
about the ex buying alcohol for my eldests 14th birthday
to take to school in his rucksack and he had a female friend called
J.R who tried to persuade my eldest to get his mates round to drink
it supervised in the home at age 14 and I'd informed Social Work but
the Head of Social Work, Mary Kellegher told me not to worry about
that at the moment and just concentrate on getting my eldest safe and
when I confronted the ex about it he denied it all but my eldest had
rang one of his friends P and asked him on speaker phone what he
brought to school and what they did that day so it was confirmed and
I believed my eldest and his friend P.
The
judge granted the Barring Order, he said good luck and told me to
stay strong. He was a nice man, he looked like an older Elvis, he had
the same hair anyway and he laughed when I told him who he looked
like. I know he must have been an Elvis fan. When I told M the Court
Clerk what I told the Judge about looking like Elvis, he said “you
did not” I said I did, he laughed his head off and said he couldn't
wait to get down to the pub tonight and tell his mates what I told
the Judge.
P
the Social worker rang, she said she was closing the file because I'm
now back but the ex was insisting she'd to “ring me to let me know
what's going on” and he was still claiming “I'm worried about my
youngest and my wife” and insisting “the Social Work Dept keeps
track of them” I laughed out loud, I said “if he's that worried
why is he ignoring my calls and my texts” She said if I need
anything just call her at any time. She is a really nice girl.
I
just remembered that when I told Mary Kellegher all about the booze
the prick bought eldest to take to school and share with his mates
that she said “don't be worrying about that at the moment, just
concentrate on getting yourselves all safe” I suppose it would be a
completely different story if my eldest and his mates had all got
alcohol poisoning, I wonder if they would they have done anything
about it then.
In
desperation I rang the ex's work number. I got told he was just a
mile away from the cottage. I rang the place he was working in and
asked if he was in today, a girl told me yes but he was at lunch. I
asked her could I please leave a message for him and told her she
would need a pen, she said yes go ahead. I told her “ can you
please inform my ex that this is his wife calling, me and our
children are starving here a mere mile away and we have no money so
could he please pay the maintenance he declared to me by text that he
wanted to pay to support our children but has not done so” The
girl started coughing. I asked her did she get all that down, she
said yes and would make sure that he got the message. He wont be
happy about that but I'm desperate, he's not sitting in an isolated
and cold cottage with two kids, I am and he has a moral and a legal
duty to support us all. I heard nothing from him, the bastard.
N
from the agency rang me, she asked would we be interested in moving
as they had a homeless unit there but we would have to get the bus
from L so we could only take hand luggage with us but the units were
all self-contained flats and lovely. I asked if I could speak to boys
about it first, she said off course, I bless the day I first spoke to
this lady when I was still in London.
The
boys were adamant they didn't want to move there, my eldest said it's
too close to where we used to live and someone might recognise us and
he won't be able to carry his computer on a bus. I said at least I'll
have my friend C nearby but no they weren't having any of it. I rang
N and asked her if I could find my own accommodation and if that
would that be okay. She said she would support me no matter what I do
and that I do have a choice “it's your life”she said. Apparently
it's not because I was voted against by the boys but I'm bothered as
long as we are together and happy and never have to see that swine
again.
I
found us a small house in S, I haven't a clue where that is but it's
the cheapest I could find. I rang and spoke to the landlord and he
sounded like a lovely man. He was so friendly so I arranged to go see
his house. N collected us from the train station in S .I had two
houses to see but I chose the first one, it's a nice furnished house
in a small, quiet cul de sac, it's perfect. I told the landlord I
would love to live here and he called me the next day to offer us the
house. We were moving in 7 days.
I
cleaned, scrubbed and painted the cottage. My eldest took a lot of
photos in case the ex would be up to his old lying tricks again re
how we left the house. It's a pity I did not think to get photos of
the house the day I first stepped off the ferry coming back. I had no
idea how we would get to the train station never mind to S and I had
my poor dog and cat to worry about too.
I
sent voice mails and texts to the ex, to his boss, to his new friends
B and J. I said the dog would be left in house on her own and I have
enough to worry about. J.R is apparently a dog whisperer who's had a
book published on the subject, well she kept pretty fucking quiet,
because not one whisper or word did I get from any of those bastards
to say okay, we will let the ex know, some animal lover she is.
C
rang me the night before we were due to leave, she said she would be
over to us first thing in the morning to help us, I could not believe
it, she is so kind and so generous.
C
arrived at 8am, it absolutely broke my heart to leave my dog behind
and there was still no word re all my texts and calls made to the ex
and all those useless bastards about my dog and cat. What kind of
people are they? My tenancy said no animals were allowed, I was heart
broken. The poor dog kept jumping onto the window ledge, I was in
bits for her. I left out a huge basin of water and left a message for
my solicitor. I eventually got a solicitor's letter telling me he had
my dog, it wasn’t enough for him to try and starve us out the house
but to torture me about thinking the poor dog would be starved and
abandoned too was beyond the pale. What goes around, comes around and
I hoped I would be alive to see it for myself.
I
left him a very long letter:
Dear
Husband, as you can see the cottage has been vacated and left in a
very clean and decent state and also freshly painted. So unlike how
you lived in it and expected my eldest to also. As I have repeatedly
requested my dogs injection book from you many times and which you
have failed to deliver I have had to leave her behind for the time
being. I have notified my solicitor of this and have also tried to
contact you by phone, by text, I have left you voice mails and
emails, all of which you have ignored. I have also contacted your
boss K and your so called friends B and J.R, all to no avail. I have
no doubts that you will try and claim that you have not been informed
at all but I have the copies of all texts and all emails. Due to your
ongoing inability to tell the truth and your usual weave of
fabricated bullshit I have many photographs of the cottage dated as
we leave to prove what I say is true. These photo's will be produced
as and when needed if you attempt to make up any more spurious lies
about the family home and what I have done to it as you told my
solicitor. You have got to be the most disturbed man that I have ever
come across, never mind marry and lay down with. I know of no other
person in my life, past or present as cold, calculating and disturbed
in the head as you are. What you have done to me and to your only
flesh and blood, your own children is incomprehensible. I should have
had the energy to see thru you many years ago, I did see thru you but
was far too trapped to get out, you made sure that I was trapped with
nothing, absolutely nothing. I hope you get treatment for yourself
but I fear it may be too late for you at this stage. I always did
find it curiously peculiar that not one person you knew came to our
wedding, that you had not one friend in your life to attend your own
wedding, that should have set of alarm bells for me but you always
did have a plausible reason for everything. You also took charge of
the whole event, you planned everything, something a woman would
normally do but I now know that you wanted complete control and just
extended that to complete control eventually over me. You decided if
and when I got to go out which became never, you controlled if I
smoked or not, if I ate, if I shopped, even if I read a magazine, the
list is endless and I will never find it in myself to ever forgive
you especially for what you have done to my eldest and my youngest,
two innocent children who did not ask to be born, who did not need a
freak like you as their father. But you never were a father to them,
were you? How in God's name could you not have given them a thought
recently as to what they would be eating if you were not providing us
with food or money, that is just despicable, I have no doubts at all
that you managed very well to stuff your own fat face, smoke your
usual 60 a day, have your bottle of wine and 4 cans per night or
would you be back on the cannabis again. I do know that they will
never forget your actions, your inactions and your reactions to these
two lovely boys, how could they, you have given them an awful
childhood and left them with dreadful memories of abuse, physical,
mental, emotional and verbal that they no doubt will now carry into
their teens and adulthood and I hope to fuck that they never turn out
like you. My eldest did tell me that your last excuse over your
inability to contact my youngest which you told all your new found
friends is that he had been brainwashed by me, what a self pitying
pathetic creature you are. How can anyone brainwash a 13 year old who
lived with you for 12 of those years, would you like me to send your
new friends what I posted on your genealogy website which forced your
hand into contacting your youngest son, shall I remind you what I
wrote that had you panic as it was public “you are a useless father
who neglects your own child” Shall I remind you what you wrote to
yourself “She has a point about me not getting in touch with
youngest but I do not want or need any reply from him but I do from
her” What kind of person does that make you. Not a sane one that is
for sure. Do you know that when youngest talks about himself regards
you, his own dad, he calls himself “her fucking mini me” you
planted those words in his head and so his mouth, not me and you have
the cheek to tell your new found friends that I am brainwashing
youngest, this is a poor excuse for your neglect of him. Youngest is
mature enough to know who has always been there for him, who loves
him, who gave him time and attention and affection and love, you are
incapable of all the above, none of those things ever came from you.
From someone who knows you as well as you know yourself, I am taking
this opportunity to tell you a few home truths about you. You are a
chameleon, you bend and shape yourself, your words, your actions,
music, you change everything about yourself to fit in with your
latest whoever, whom ever you are trying to impress, you can never
even be true to yourself and that is why I know that you will never
be happy and will never know what real unconditional love is, you do
not have it in you to love. You are so transparent and transitional,
bending, shaping and clinging yourself onto someone like a vine. I
would go as far as to say that you have psychopathic tendencies as
you have never once shown any conscience over any of your wrong
doing's to me or your children. The cruelty you bestowed on us will
never be forgotten or forgiven. You are just a bully who is actually
a huge coward who became cruel, spiteful and vindictive when we could
not or would not dance to your tune. I fully intend to let EVERYONE
know the real you. What father screams at his kids when they were age
9 and 10 that “they are lazy little c**** who should be doing work
to help around the house” yet within 10 minutes outside their
school you were talking ever so gently to other peoples kids. And
you, you pathetic wimp needed counselling due to your own pathetic
childhood, playing the “poor me, woe is me martyr” Poor little
you “hiding behind the curtains” poor little you “peeling the
paint off the walls for hours” and poor little you, “no one ever
noticed me” “no one cuddled me” And your father never lifted a
finger against you. You pathetic son of a bitch. What about your
child, our eldest and all you have done to harm him and that he
remembers. Have you ever once thought for a second of all the abuse
you inflicted on your own children, have you ever regretted not being
a real and proper father to them, teaching them things. There was no
talking to them about anything with you was there, you simply ignored
them except when they got on your nerves, then you were screaming,
shouting, swearing at them, throwing a tantrum, throwing and breaking
whatever you could get your hands on, normally the cups and the
dishes, hitting eldest because he would mouth off at you which I
reported to the school and to the Garda, you bad bastard. Our
youngest always got ignored, like he did not exist in your eyes
because in your eyes he got all my attention, in your eyes he was my
favourite and you passed that onto our eldest didn't you to try and
drive a wedge between them and it worked didn't it. There are not
enough bad words in the English dictionary that I could use to
describe a low life like you. Now neither eldest or youngest exist in
your head. How the hell does one man get so self centred and self
absorbed that only him and his feelings matter to him. How the hell
does one man tell so many lies and convince himself and anyone else
that will listen that they are true and so cover up all abuse done to
his wife and kids just to get in with new friends. I think it is time
to get yourself a new psychiatrist, do you remember going to see the
one that Dr R told you to go to see after I told her what you were
doing to me at home and had me believe I was losing my mind, did you
even go to that appointment, I can clearly remember you telling me
that you did go but that the psychiatrist told you the wrong person
was on his couch, luckily I told Dr R who said that was rubbish and
no professional worth their salt would utter such things about a
person they had never met before. Funny you always had someone else
to blame for everything. It looks like the very close friends I did
have and you took me from and so I lost all their numbers when you
had my little black book disappear but denied it to my face, were
right about you all along, they had you analysed perfectly “he is
one strange man” said by my Irish friend Ann in London “all he
wants is to be mothered” said by my Irish friend Veronica in
London. I would never have enough space to type all that Gloria said
to your face which is why you did not like her, she detested you back
in equal measure as she could see thru you and she could not stand
you. “What the hell are you doing with someone like him, he's a bit
odd isn't he” said by Carol in London. “There is something wrong
with him” said by Sue “Is he a bit soft in the head” said by my
ex Jack. But you know you are mentally ill don't you, you just do not
want anyone else to know but “the truth will always out” as
Auntie Gloria would say because you cannot hide your real self
forever. You need and you demand 100% attention and if you do not get
it you throw the biggest tantrums, you do all in your power to get
attention or you switch off, disappear, threaten suicide, cut all
communication, have mini breakdowns, “help me I cannot drive, come
find me” blah, blah, blah, You are a disturbed man. But what of
your kids then, well let me tell you they will be fine, you want to
know why, because they have me, yes, little old me, the woman who had
the real shit and abusive childhood, no parent nor family in my life
but guess what, I have more maternal feelings in my pinkie than you
could ever have, or hope to have. I know what love is and I love my
kids so much more than I ever loved you. Your diaries of old that you
hid in the steel file box could have been written by you today and
not 20 years ago, as you are still spouting the same old woe is you
shit aren't you. I probably will never get to know why you gave me
and my kids such a miserable and abusive existence all these years, I
know that you hate us, you told us all but I know that you actually
hate yourself too, you will never know what it feels like to be a
normal human being, I know one day I will be informed that you have
been carted off somewhere, I know that will not give me any
satisfaction but I know that it will explain an awful lot as you went
out of your way to make me believe that I was mental didn't you. That
makes you the ultimate abuser. I have been reading up on a lot and
getting a lot of information from women’s agencies about men like
you. Men like you can never change. I have questioned myself often
why I stayed with you as long as I did, the only reason/ excuse that
I can come up with is that I really did love you but you did not
deserve that love did you and then I found out thru my online alter
ego that you “never really knew what love meant” I truly believe
you are mad. Let me get back to our children, you know nothing about
them at all. I had to remind you when our youngest turned 13 but you
were far too busy “drooling over the bodies walking around L and
about B” but you “hated her name” My youngests brain never
stops, he constantly comes up with things to do to occupy himself, he
never stops writing, drawing, building or designing, he is fantastic
with his imagination and his hands. He is a happy lad, he always has
a smile on his face and he is friendly, polite, respectful and chatty
to all we meet, he is very funny and and fast with his put downs,
just like his mum, he has a fantastic personality and is very loyal
and will go far in life as he has goals, he is driven and is the
nicest boy I have ever known, I am proud to call him my son, I love
him so much and he loves me. He is the very opposite of you which I
am happy about but you would not know anything about him as you do
not give a crap about him, you never tried to get to know him, not
even when he lived under the same roof as you. Our eldest is gorgeous
looking, extremely intelligent, shy and finds it hard to make friends
as he's so shy but when he does he is fiercely loyal. He is very well
read on every subject, he knows exactly what he is talking about, he
is also a brilliant mimic, I love hearing him try different accents,
he makes me laugh. He will go far academically but emotionally thanks
to you and your neglect, your abuse, your violence, your lies, your
trying to crush his very spirit out of him so you could get rid of
him to leave you free to chase women around the country because you
could not control him any more yet told B on the phone that you
“admired her relationship she had with her children because she had
no rules” and you chatted away to her kids and my eldest heard it
all, how the fuck do you think that left him feeling, you cruel
bastard, you are a disgrace and I hope you rot in hell for all
eternity. I personally found it heart breaking when my eldest told me
that he “felt the cottage was lighter and brighter in atmosphere
now and even when things were okay between you and dad and dad and us
we still had our shoulders up around our ears” That almost made me
weep, when I asked him why he had not told me any of this before, he
said “I did not know I was doing it till dad was gone” My poor
children should have been loving life, not fucking worrying about
your mood swings, not worrying how you would come home, if someone
had pissed you off at work would they would suffer for it, would we
all would suffer for it and all because you were too much of a coward
to confront anyone to their face, you could only be the man you
wanted to be once home and against your wife and your kids. Do you
know what it is like to wonder if you will get fed or not depending
on your husband, your dad's mood, if you will get spoken to or not,
if when you speak will the person just look thru you as if you are
not even there, do you know how that feels, how would you have liked
to be told constantly to “shut the fuck up with all your crap, I
don't want to hear it, have worked my balls off all day, I want peace
in my house” and numerous other breaking of people's spirit words
of shit from you to us. I hope that you never have the cheek or the
gall to tell anyone that you are a dad as you have done nothing to
earn that title at all. Congratulations, you did not just lose your
marriage, you lost your wife and your kids, you drove us all out, not
many men can claim that, can they. So lets look to the future and all
that may bring. Firstly me with my balls of steel that you were
always so envious of will love and protect my sons so that you and no
other man will ever cause them a days harm as long as I live, they
know they are loved by me, I tell them every day and I always have
done. I will never use them to divide them as you did for your own
selfish and puerile reasons. It is my job to raise them and see that
they eventually leave me with some happy memories under their belt,
they have my love, my attention, my affection, we laugh, we converse
now without fear, we argue, we shout, but that is what normal
families do, we deserve normality and we shall have it. As for you,
well all I can tell you is they both said that they never want to see
you ever again, they may change their minds out of curiosity and I
will not stand in their way, they have their own minds, they are not
my puppets to control as you tried to do with us all. We have had
long conversations trying to work you out, we wonder how you could be
so cold and cruel to us yet portray yourself to be this wonderful and
gentle person who would do anything for anyone to everyone else. We
just do not know how you can keep up this dual personality at all, it
must be exhausting for you, no wonder you always claim you are
knackered, it is not because you have worked your balls off all day,
it's because you use so much energy hiding the cruel bastard you
really are from the outside world. You denied everything to do with
buying my eldest vodka and Buckfast for his birthday yet I heard P on
the phone saying what a craic they had with the booze, you are one
lucky man that none of them in school that day had to get their
stomach's pumped. According to you, you did not buy it for eldest and
you do not know how he got it, I find that strange as he does not
look 18, he did not have access to any money and he did not have any
transport. So why would your new friend J.R ask my eldest to save it
for after school and invite his school friends home so that they
could be supervised, fucking supervised boozing at age 14. Do you
also know that woman freaked my eldest out as he seen what she was
writing to you on MSN saying that she loved him, loved my child, you
pair of freaks poisoning young bodies like that. I have told a Judge,
sworn on oath with my solicitor and informed the Garda and the Social
work Dept of what you both did and now deny. I will remember you for
the rest of my life so that I never let a lying creep such as you
ever take control of my life, ever take away my independence, my
freedom, crush me, control me, use and abuse me mentally,
emotionally, physically, sexually and financially. You however will
never forget me and what you lost. Your conversation in the street
with P's mum just proves what a bad bastard, lying, cowardly piece of
filth you really are but I'm sure you didn't think for one minute we
would ever get to know about it. The poor woman must have thought you
were completely deranged, she doesn't know you, she doesn't know my
eldest and you thought it was okay to stop her in the street going
about her business and tell her that my eldest is mentally ill and
tried to stab you, I have no chance of my eldest ever attending that
school again but I will put that poor woman straight and tell her
what you are. I will never stop telling anyone who will listen what
you are and what you did to me and my kids, abusers like you only get
away with it because women like me are so ashamed and I had nothing
to be ashamed about did I, so I will no longer stay quiet as far as
you are concerned. God help the next woman you trap but I doubt
anyone will put up with your madness for too long so you are destined
for a lonely life, which you also gave to me as I will never have
another man in my life until my children are healed from all you did
to them and I know that will take a long time as look at the state my
eldest is in because of you. One thing I do know and can say in all
honesty is I am totally free of you and this time I will never
return. I will collect my dog and my cat when I am given permission
from the landlord to do so, you could not look after your own child
so god help my animals till I get them back”
End
of letter.
So
what exactly did he do to my eldest?
Pretty much the same as he did
to me but I'm an adult. He stopped giving him money for school lunch,
he did not have a hot meal for him after school, he expected the poor
child to sit in an office till he finished work which could be as
late as 10pm, he left eldest hungry till he alone decided if he would
get him anything to eat, he stopped talking to eldest depending on
his mood, he ignored eldest if he spoke to him, he told him to shut
the fuck up, he told him he was not going to listen to his crap, he
told him he was a fucking psychopath just like his mum, he left him
alone in the house with no food, no heat, he just got on with how he
wanted to live his life, out seeking woman, out seeking clubs and
groups to join, out pretending he was a free agent with no
responsibilities, pretending that eldest did not even exist, he
probably didn't want my eldest to exist, he had no use of eldest once
I had gone, he only used my eldest because he needed someone on his
side against me and youngest when we still lived at the cottage,
those were horrendous times. He removed anything that would have
given my eldest any comfort, he removed his computer, the TV, even
the electric, he would not buy him shoes when they no longer fit him
because eldest would not go to the shoe shop with him then he claimed
he had no money to buy him any but he could afford to buy B a woman
he met online Astrological Reports and Danger Mouse toys. My eldest
stopped going to school and told no one what was going on, not even
me. He left eldest alone all Easter weekend whilst he went off to
Cork for work then took a detour to Wexford to visit B. When my
eldest told me, I hounded my ex by phone to get back home to eldest
or I would ring the Garda. He returned at midnight on the Sunday
having been gone since the Friday at 5am, he told my eldest it would
never happen again and promised him that he would make it up to him
but instead he locked himself away in his room staying up all night
fixing B's computer. Instead of giving my eldest his basic human
rights or love, affection, attention, time, food, heating, clothing,
the lousy bastard was too busy having a mid life crisis and making
himself indispensable to people he'd just met. To have left a 13 year
old with nothing except his own thoughts must have been torturous for
him, it was bad enough for me and my youngest but we always had each
other, this lousy bastard of a man went out of his way to destroy the
relationship between me and my eldest and so my eldest chose to stay
with him and look what he did. He bought booze for his 14th
Birthday and allowed him to drink booze at J. R's parties then he
denied it. He attacked eldest verbally and physically and blamed
everything on eldest, he even told the woman B that he thought my
eldest was mental and she who had never met my son told the lousy
bastard my son needed professional help and that was when he got a
doctor into the house, after listening to his “online bitch"
when all he wanted to do was get into her knickers, he would have
said and done anything to do that. I can read that man like a book.
He rang the Garda about my eldest on numerous occasions, he got a
doctor in the house on a Saturday after giving my eldest all his
belongings back and made him a dinner then called him out of his room
to get it and lo and behold a doctor was standing in the house and he
told the doctor “my son needs help” all because B had apparently
told him “you must do so as a matter of urgency” which he told me
she had advised him to do and when I told him I would be contacting
her personally about it he totally denied saying she's told him to do
this. Nutter. He stopped my eldests school mates in the street
including P's mum and told them all that my eldest was mentally ill
and had tried to stab him.
What
I wrote in June before I left that man.
Lord
in heaven please help me get away from this draining, boring agony of
a life with this man, one shot we all get at life and this is mine, I
can see nothing ever changing with him. He sighs loudly and
constantly as if every intake of breath is too much of an effort for
him, I have spent 16 years listening to him. I do not know what on
earth I have done now to upset him, maybe it's because I had the
cheek to ask if we could go out anywhere for a change of scenery, to
get out of this house that he never lets me leave. Maybe it's because
I will not have sex with someone who does not wash in days because he
is too damn lazy to do so. Maybe it's because I tell him I do not
believe him telling me “we are skint” when I know he has just
been paid and had the private rent from London too. I have no idea
what I've done but I know he has the major hump with me, he has
stopped talking to me and stopped talking to the kids. I refuse to
even try and drag out of him what is wrong with him as I'm not fit
for his seething, silent tantrums any more, he can and go bore the
arse of someone else with my blessing. How come I have to make all
the changes to accommodate him, why the hell should I. I like who I
am, he stayed the same, exactly the same. I am sick of his control
over us all, sick of his immature, pathetic, mind boring, non
ambition with no life force in him to speak of, we go nowhere, we do
nothing. I ran him a bath and told him it was ready, he said he did
not want it, I told him it's Sunday and you have not washed since
Thursday, that was my polite way of telling him he stinks to high
fucking heaven and I cannot get his body odour out of my sinuses, he
said he wasn't having a bath. He makes our lives hell and they get
worse when he's in the house with us at weekends.
He
made eldest an administrator on the family computer which is now
password protected so I and youngest cannot go on it, yet we are the
ones at home all day whilst he and eldest are out. This made eldest
think he is now 2nd in command and our lives become worse.
He
removed the fuse from the plug of the computer, youngest realised
when we first thought it was broken yet they had been on it in the
morning.
He
removed the main fuse from the main electric board. I thought it must
be a power cut, again youngest realised what he had done and stood on
a chair to check the electric box.
He
got eldest a McDonald’s when he was out at work with him, again
nothing for youngest, when I confronted him he said I could have
called him and asked him. The swine.
Youngest
asked if could he go to dads work, he told me not today then told
youngest “you could have asked me yourself” leaving youngest in
tears and home with me yet again.
He
took eldests side when I had an argument with him and I ordered
eldest to his bed, he heard eldest threaten me, calling me fat
fucking whore and spit in my face but said he seen nothing and he
heard nothing but he was standing right next to me.
Eldest
was given complete power over me, his own mum. He was sanctioned by
dad to do and say what he liked to me and to youngest and eldest took
full advantage of this, he treated us both like shit. I was told by a
professional that the ex had polarised the family and that it was now
a Child Protection Issue as youngest was being badly bullied.
He
wrote “I hate her and her fucking mini-me” referring to me and
youngest. I was told by a professional that him saying that meant he
had huge issues from his own childhood, his parent-child relationship
especially if he did not have a good one with either parent, I was
told that he was harbouring jealousy at seeing the good relationship
that youngest and I had even if he was not consciously aware that he
was jealous. The professional said that his actual statement of “I
hate her and her fucking mini-me” was a strange and disturbing
thing to say about a spouse and his 12 year old son.
Eldest
when age 10 refused to get coal in, he went ballistic and dragged
eldest outside, he got him in a head lock and said “I'm restraining
him and he can sleep outside all night and he is not allowed to come
back in the house till he has done what he’s been fucking told to
do” I rang the Garda. I then visited the Garda, my friend C took me
and they could not give a shit, they did not even take my name. I
told the head teacher, G all that dad was doing in the house and also
to eldest, all G said is he will keep an eye on eldest and pray for
us!!
He
cashed in our Life Insurance without my knowledge, he banked the
money from that in his UK bank account, none of us saw penny of it.
He
rang Abbey National and claimed someone was using his debit card
fraudulently on line when he was the only person using it. He always
claims he has no money in the bank until I behave myself then he
finds money.
He
has locked me in when we lived in a flat 4 floors up, taking my keys
and hand bag with him, leaving me with two babies with no way out if
an emergency.
He
left me suicide notes and disappeared and I had to call police.
He
told me he was at work when he was not. Women’s intuition told me
otherwise. And I was right.
He
sent me flying thru air and I badly hurt my tail bone, I could not
sit properly for 6 weeks, and walking was agony, he wrote “she lost
her grip and fell and had the fucking cheek to con hospital fee’s
out of me” yet both my boys saw it all and my eldest declared he
saw nothing and he heard nothing just like dad said for him
previously.
He
moved himself and “his” computer into the spare room and put
locks on the door, I could hear jangling keys at all hours of the
night like the jailer he had become. He does nothing but smoke and
drink, awake all night, like a zombie in the day time, he did not
speak to me or the kids for weeks. He only goes for shopping when he
wants something, he tells us all to “fuck off” if we say we need
anything.
I
talked it over with a professional, she came up with the following.
He
removes the computer from us = Controlling
He
refuses to get shopping = Controlling
He
stops speaking to us all = Controlling
His
behaviour towards us his family = Loss of self control
His
Mini Breakdowns = Seeking my pity to bring me back into line and
under his control again.
Cashing
the Life Insurance without my knowledge = No respect at all for his
wife.
Reporting
fraudulent use of his Credit Card =Punishing spouse, putting spouse
in fear, reclaiming control he feels he has lost over spouse.
Claiming
he had no money in the bank once I returned from London after a break
when I could not cope with his cruelty in the cottage even tho I knew
he had €4,000 in the account = Punishment for going to London +
Showing his spouse who the boss is + Enforcing spouse back under his
control or she will not eat or be given any money, but once I told
him we have to try and be friends for the kids sake till I left for
good he miraculously gets money out of the bank when he “could not”
only an hour before = Spouse being rewarded for seeing sense.
Eldest
age 10 and youngest age 9 “And those lazy little c**** can get off
their lazy fucking arses and do something to help in this house” =
No child will want to help anyone after being told this which ensures
he can remain angry with his children + He has no love nor respect
for his children + Bullying and verbal and emotional abuse of
children.
He
would do anything for anyone outside of the house and anything for
his boss = Subservient and compliant behaviour, non assertive, easily
used and led astray, wants to be liked, has no self respect.
He
writes down things that are not true, his version of events that are
not true = Needs an account of his lies as would not be able to
remember them + is unable or unwilling to comprehend or accept what
he does and says is wrong, is unacceptable + if he wrote down what
actually happened he would probably be shocked at such behaviour.
He
writes and talks to others nastily about his spouse unaware that his
spouse is reading what he writes = He needs you but does not want you
+ he tells you he loves you and you are his soul mate and best friend
and no one else will ever understand him like you do but his actions
show that he hates you, he has no respect for you, he feels no need
to respect you, he is actually afraid of you, afraid of women.
The
professional told me that I am not to blame for the way he acts
towards me and my kids, that he would be the same with any other
partner and kids, that his childhood is his problem and he is an
adult who should have sought and should be seeking for help for
himself. That his controlling ways are his problem. His inability to
be assertive outside of the house is his problem, his personality or
lack of one is his problem.
He
screams at me to get off my fat lazy arse and get a job but he
refuses to stick to his contractual hours and get home when he is
supposed to finish work so I never know when he will be home. = He
puts himself first, he discharges himself as part of a family, he
keeps himself out of the family unit, he sees his spouse as of little
or no importance, he did nothing to contain his family unit, he did
not see spouse as person of equal importance in her own right.
He
wrote “I would not see them go without but why should I pay to keep
her in the lazy arsed manner she has become accustomed too” =
Discharging of all his responsibility as a husband and as a father +
sees spouse's value as of little worth + has selective memory of all
past and present input by spouse to he family and the home and all
past employments when his spouse also had the children to raise.
He
wrote “She will get nothing, she will never get anything out of me”
= It is a spouses legal entitlement to get what she is legally
entitled to for herself and her children, it does not matter what he
says, what he thinks or what he writes to the contrary.
The
list would be endless but to be told what he does and what it meant
was enlightening. For him to acknowledge the actual truth would make
him be seen as having a lack of self-control, be seen as what he
actually is, an abuser. He has a real fear of the truth about him
becoming public knowledge and will probably take all steps to ensure
this does not ever happen. Most abusers will never give up absolute
control of their spouse no matter who many years pass from
Separation.
He
will no doubt use his single father martyrdom for his own selfish
benefit and will use eldest to polish his halo for the outside world.
He had promised to always put eldest first, to put eldest before his
work, before himself but I doubted that he would and no amount of
telling my eldest this would budge his stance of coming to London
with me and with youngest. I told my eldest to never believe his
fathers promises because he never keeps them, he will say anything to
get you off his back but he does the very opposite. I told my eldest
do not think that dad will put you first because he won't, do not
expect dad to be a good father because he never has in the past so
why would he start now, I told my eldest that his father would see
someone else in the shit before he ever landed himself in it because
he has no loyalty to anyone unless there is something in it for him
but my eldest would not listen.
He
always played happy families outside of the house acting as a loving
father and husband to my friends and to strangers but in the house it
was a different matter altogether. He told all his family that I had
a personality disorder. Yes I have a bloody fantastic personality and
he was my fucking disorder.
L
my sister in law said “the whole family are the same, a queer
bunch, they cannot handle anyone who shows emotion and they do not
know how to handle or control their own emotions and they are all
anal retentive, they all switch off and cut off the person who would
have the audacity to confront them by way of feelings or emotions,
they sweep everything under the carpet or run away” and she
believed everything I told her was happening as hasn't she herself
seen the same for years and years. She actively encouraged me “to
get out and leave him before it was too late as it was for her”
She said that “anyone they came upon who displayed a bit of spirit
in them had to be repressed by them, were frowned upon, were beaten
down and they had to be felt sorry for as we could eventually escape
but they would still have to live with themselves”
R
his brother was a bad bastard to his wife J the girl was from the
Philippines When J came to the UK she was stuck in a house of doom
and gloom with R who could not hold a conversation to save his life.
The poor girl in a foreign country and totally isolated gave birth to
a son and R and his mother swiftly took over and would not let her
near her own child, she said if she walked into the room, one of them
would lift the child and take him out of the room away from her. She
was beaten down so much mentally and emotionally she had to leave and
left the baby behind, but she fought thru the courts and proved to
the court that both R and his mother were liars and she got full
custody of her son. She got a decent financial settlement after only
one year of marriage and R claims to be a good Christian man. Yeah
right. It seems to me that they are all tarred with the same mad
brush.
Now
we have moved house thanks to my lovely friend C and her husband.
I
am getting worried there may be more wrong with my eldest than he's
letting on to me. Something is amiss, very amiss. He's always in a
permanent bad mood, he shouldn't have to shut himself away any more
because he has nothing to be scared of any more because his father is
completely out of the picture and doesn't know where we live now. He
said he has insomnia but I'm convinced he's done that on purpose so
he doesn't have to face anyone or be asked any awkward questions,
especially by me, so when he cannot give me a fast enough answer he
just bites the bloody head of me and makes me feel so small. I seem
to be getting verbally attacked by him for no frigging reason at all
except how he himself feels. His promise to me that he would go to
the same school as my youngest fell thru. He did try, god love him
but he returned home after only getting as far as the school gates. I
was ironing and was shocked to see him come back so quickly. I asked
him what happened and he yelled at me “fuck off and leave me alone”
then hid himself away in his bedroom for days, he did not even answer
me when I called up to him so he's now in the house all day and every
day and I need help. When I rang the school Principal she said she
knew by my eldests body language that he would not attend school and
she gave me the numbers for school Inclusion and a NEPS person.
These
people both came to the house one morning, my eldest was lying on the
couch and pretended to be asleep. I was mortified because I knew he
was awake, he had been talking to me before I answered the door to
both M and A. M told me she would send a report to a Child
Psychologist and seek help that way.
It's
been one year and 11 days since I left that man. I tasted freedom for
just a short while and had it snatched away again. My heart feels
like it's been smashed and bashed and broken, I don't know how other
people get over all that has happened. I suppose I feel stuck due to
unfinished business, unanswered questions. The ex has proved he is
the cruellest, most spiteful, vindictive, pathetic, emotionally
retarded lying and cheating scum that I ever came upon. I hope one
day that I will get justice for me and my kids.
I
twisted my ankle five weeks ago on a pavement that builders had dug
up and not filled in properly and I'm limping badly, it’s still not
better, I've had an x ray and a morphine injection and I'm waiting on
physiotherapy. I was told I've torn the ligaments and that it can
take an age to heal so I need to be patient. It feels like bone is
scraping off bone and is so painful. My youngest is an enormous help
but I still have to get from A to B when he's in school.
I
contacted the Social Work Department of our area asking for Family
Support because I do not know what to do or how to help my eldest.
A
social worker called Del turned up at my door unannounced. I was just
out of the shower. I was dressed but my hair was still wet and I had
no mascara on, I am never seen without my mascara on, I have white
eyelashes. I was mortified, the frigging cheek of him to park in
another street and just land on me like that. He said he was in the
area so was just dropping by to see how I was. I took the head off
him, asking what did he expect to find, Ronan O Gara sat naked on my
chair, he laughed and offered to make me a cup of tea because I'm
having difficulty walking and I'm now using crutches. I declined but
I opened every cupboard in the kitchen just so he could take a look
as I instinctively knew that is what he would have done anyway.
Then
came the real reason for his unexpected and unannounced visit, they
want to inform the Dad that social work are involved with the family.
I said “over my dead body” then I asked him “in what capacity
are you involved with my family” he replied “Family Support” so
I asked him, “who is in my family, is my husband here, is he part
of this family, no he bloody well is not, only I and my two kids are
family” Del said “we have to cover our backs in case it ever goes
to court if he applies for access” I said “and what are the
chances of him ever doing that when he showed them not an ounce of
love and respect and more to the point what are the chances of my
boys ever agreeing to seeing him. Yes he might indeed apply but only
if one of his “online bitches” starts questioning him about not
seeing his sons” I told Del “I'm officially and strongly
opposing you contacting that man for any reason whatsoever and only
when my boys tell me you can contact him, will it happen” Del then
told me one of the most stupid things I have ever heard, he said “he
will never know your whereabouts” I said “it won’t take a
bloody genius to work out where we are as soon as he gets any letter
from the Social Work Dept and if you inform that bastard of anything
then I no longer want anything to do with you” He said he would
speak to his supervisor and get back to me, then asked me if I could
get “eldest down to at least meet me” I called my eldest down
but got told by him “fuck off, you are just a fucking clone of Dad”
I roared up the stairs “I knew nothing about this visit and do you
really think I would have wet hair and no make up on and let a
professional in, I knew nothing about this visit at all” Del smiled
as if to say that’s teenagers for you, I could have slapped him,
now my eldest would be in Christ knows what kind of mood all day and
only I am here to frigging handle it.
Del
rang me to tell me they are not going to inform the swine ex of
anything, he said “it's not in best interests of the children” I
said it's not in my bloody best interests either. He said “you're a
very upfront person and I like that”
I
attended an interview for 2nd Chance Education, I really
need this, bad ankle or not, I cannot be sitting at home or I will go
insane, I need to be out and talking to others. The interview went
well, I got told the course would not tax my brain but the social
side would be beneficial for me. I start next Tuesday.
I
have been asking myself what I want and firstly it's money, it's an
appalling nightmare us living like paupers and having no heat and
this house is freezing cold, we hardly have any food, we are just
living day to day with nothing extra to get any luxuries, no clothes,
no treats, no trips out. I cannot even get to the hospital to get my
ankle sorted because I have no train fare. Xmas is going to break my
heart, my kids are going to have nothing at all to open and all the
years I worked extra crap jobs from September onwards just so they
got everything they asked for on their Santa list, yes it has got to
be better than last year when the swine of an ex booted my eldest on
the back of his thigh and almost landed him in the lit fire whilst I
was in the bath and had to come running out, the swine of an ex then
spent the rest of the night locked in his car writing on the back of
“How to raise your kids self-esteem notes” a typical husband
ploy, he took a parenting class for under 5's when he had a teenager
being neglected by him in the house” He appeared to have forgotten
all he learned at that parenting class because he was screaming at my
eldest that he was “a fucking psychopath” then he sat in the car
drinking a bottle of Baileys and smoking till he passed out. He did
not come into the house to see the boys open their presents, only I
did in their bedroom and when he did come back into the house he kept
his jacket on all day and declared “I will be keeping it on because
I might be leaving, it all depends on your behaviour” Happy fucking
Xmas to us.
I
want an education so badly, I was just two weeks away from my three
Holistic Exams, fucked and foiled by the swine ex yet again but what
choice did I have, I had to come back for my eldest.
I
want a place we can call our own, somewhere settled, safe and secure
for the boy’s that no one can come in and dictate to us.
I
want a social life, I do not know how it feels any more to get
dressed up and go out and nor do I have any going out clothes or
shoes. I want a social life for the kids, to have their own friends
and to go off and enjoy themselves.
I
want a sex life. Maybe. I don't know.
I
want a lobotomy to erase every memory of that fucking bollix swine.
I
received English Divorce Papers I instigated in London which he would
not sign. They were now signed by the swine. I'm completely confused,
he's not contesting it and it was signed on the 15th
August but it's now November and all has been filled in by someone
else’s hand writing. He's using his mother’s address is Wales
where his solicitors name and address should be. Seeing it in black
and white made me cry. I rang my solicitor, she said do not sign
anything until she's had a look at it then she told me he's handed in
€520 maintenance, I asked her why the weird amount, she said she
didn't know, I told her I could not wait for the post to come on
Monday so I'm going to travel to L and collect it in person because
we are desperate for it. I got my youngest from school and we got the
train to L, it was lashing down so hard with rain that the train was
held up due to flooding on the tracks, I squeezed my youngests hand
so tight because I thought we would end up in the Shannon, all my
paperwork for the solicitor was soaked right thru but W the secretary
said she would dry them on their radiators. When we passed the
swine's work place my youngest said “if you want me to I will go up
and see him and knock him out” I told him no, all that would do is
get us into trouble and stuck in bloody L and eldest stuck in S, he
made me laugh tho.
We
went for a huge shop in a supermarket then got a cab to the cottage
to get my printer and see what I could get from a list that eldest
made for me to collect for him. My youngest had his own list of all
his belongings he wanted to collect. The cab driver K, born and bred
in the area apparently didn't know where the cottage was nor the name
of the nearest neighbours, the lying cow, her cab cost me €40,
it's normally €20, I was raging.
I
had three keys with me for the cottage, mine and my sons and none of
our keys fitted, the swine had changed the frigging locks on the
door, that is completely illegal and I was on crutches, in the pitch
dark and pissing down from the heavens rain. I almost exploded. I
rang him straight away but he cut me off after three rings, his phone
went to voice mail. I left a message telling him where we were and we
needed to get into the cottage and what he'd done was illegal and I
would ring the Garda, no call came back. I sent him a text telling
him he will not get away with this, no reply. Bastard. I shone the
light from my mobile phone into the window and saw new chairs in the
living room, a new quilt was on the bed, my sons room was packed high
with boxes and was now like a storage room, things I did not
recognise were in the kitchen, a woman’s clothes were hanging from
the doorways. My youngest reminded me the back door was not secure so
he got us in that way, someone was obviously living here that I knew
nothing about, there was a bin in the bedroom that had envelopes in
it, I lifted one, it was addressed to A. K. There was a pair of dirty
knickers lying on the bedroom floor. I rang my eldest, he said
“that's Dad’s friend, the one who's after him but he called her
dog ugly behind her back, he said he would not go near it but he goes
out walking hills with her”
Even
tho this was my house I felt uncomfortable being here, there was no
sign of my dog anywhere in the house so he obviously did not live
here. My mate D rang me and I told him what was going on, he told me
“stay put, call the Garda and sling her out, she's no right being
there, it's illegal” I sent the swine another text “A. K. is
installed in my house illegally without my knowledge, consent or my
signature and you will be sorry” no reply. I wrote the occupier a
note, “My name is etc. I am co-owner of this house you are living
in illegally, I want to know if you have a contract, when it started,
when it ends and how much rent you are paying” and I added my phone
number and put it thru the letter box. A huge kick in the teeth was
the satellite dish was now firmly screwed tight to the wall and no
longer balanced on a toy plastic box for swift knocking over so we
would not have any signal in the cottage when we lived there.
I
would have stayed all night and personally thrown her out, the way I
felt, the sheer fucking cheek of them, but I had my youngest with me
and did not want him to see me distressed. The battery was very low
on my mobile so I rang N, the cab man and he came to collect us and
dropped us off at the train station. I could not believe it when I
was told at the station that we missed the last train because it left
at 7pm. I was in bits and very upset, tired, hungry and soaked to the
fucking skin as was my youngest and my ankle felt on fire due to all
the walking I'd done. My youngest gave me a hug. We went into a pub
to use their phone as mine kept shutting off due to my dying battery,
the bar man asked if we wanted a drink and I said yes, I ordered tea
for me and a diet coke for my youngest and explained our dilemma to
the bar man, he got out a train time table and told us the next train
was 9pm, thank you god, I thought I had left us stranded.
It
felt like forever getting back home, the train was full of teens all
having a good time and carrying a blow up doll which made me and my
youngest laugh. My good friend C rang me but I quickly told her about
my battery being very low, I sent her a text explaining the short
version of events that had just happened. We didn't get home till
10.30pm. I walked so slowly holding on to my youngests arm from the
train station to the house. My eldest came flying down the stairs as
he was expecting what I was supposed to have collected for him from
his list but we could not find anything at all because the boxes in
my sons old bedroom were all full of stuff I didn't recognise so I
couldn't find anything of his. My eldest was like a bull shouting and
swearing about his father. Me and youngest were wrecked with
tiredness.
C
then rang me and I cried down the phone to her, it had been a day
from hell, first the unexpected divorce papers from London then the
rest of the horrible day. I said he's an evil man and she agreed. I
vented my fury by email to my solicitor.
I
have to say that for a country I don't want to live in because of my
ex, I've found the most wonderful, genuine and friendly people here
and luckily I make friends with people easily.
I
walked to the library with my youngest and I tripped over on my bad
ankle and screamed the place down, the lady in the library gave me a
chair to sit on and we eventually went to down visit Brid, my new
friend, she got her sister to bring down crutches and she made us
lunch and insisted that I eat it, she said in the space of a month
she has watched my weight go down so fast, I didn't even feel hungry
but I ate every drop of the soup she made me.
At
1.44pm, a private number rang me, a woman asked “is that A, you put
a note thru the door last night” she said “I rent the cottage on
a month to month basis and this is all a shock to me” I said
“nothing compared to the shock that I and my son had, a complete
stranger moved into my house lock stock and barrel” she claimed “my
contract is with my solicitor, I cannot remember when I moved in,
maybe around 6 weeks ago but I've not got my diary to hand to check
and I don't know who drew up the contract because I don't have a copy
of it here ” “I was told the place was up for rent thru a friend
of a friend” I asked her “are you a personal friend of my
husband's” she said “no, I don't know him at all” now I knew
for certain she's a liar because my eldest knew all about her as soon
as I read out her name during my visit to the cottage and told me
that she and his dad go mountain climbing and go to restaurants. She
told me “the house is up for sale and I'm given 24 hours notice of
any viewings” I knew nothing about any of this. She said “I pay
€300 per month by crossed cheque into (and she called him by the
name that only I and close friends get to call him) bank account” I
said “so you do know my husband well then because only his close
and personal friends get to call him that” She changed the subject
and asked me for my solicitors details, I told her “I will give you
no such thing, I know your name, I know MY address and you'll be
getting an immediate letter from my solicitor” She said “I'm
sorry for all this shit” and hung up on me.
She
rang me back after five minutes, I knew she'd probably been on the
phone to him or gathering her wits, she apologised again and told me
“the coverage is poor in this area and I know nothing at all about
all this shit, I rent places all the time” I said “I suppose you
get permission normally but didn't in this case” she said I'm
moving out in December because I'm buying my own place in Drumlish. I
told her “you'll be moving out much sooner than that but I
appreciate you calling me but I don't appreciate your lies. The whole
conversation was heard by both Brid and my youngest.
I
gave Brid a massage then I walked home with my youngest, my head was
in bits and so was my ankle.
I
walked to the local shop with youngest and he found €50 lying in
street, he bought us shopping with it. I made us a big fry up and
called my eldest down for it but he told me “fuck off” because
he'd been awake all night.
I
was supposed to start a new course today but got a call to tell me
it's been cancelled for one week, I am gutted. I was so looking
forward to getting out of the house. I'm having real trouble doing
housework and shopping and having to use crutches to bring anything
back to the house. I now get down the stairs on my bum because I
cannot walk down any more. P from FLS rang me. I told her about all
that was happening, she said you know what he's like and advised I
take the legal route to have him dealt with, she said he can only get
away with so much and told me to try and stay strong.
I
rang the solicitor. I told her about the tenant in the cottage and
how I and my youngest could not enter the family home because he's
changed the locks but we got in anyway. She dictated a letter over
the phone “to be sent to the other side immediately, eviction of
the woman, copy of keys and the contract, half of all rent paid to be
sent to you, and the house put immediately on the market and the
Judge will be informed of his behaviour”
I
rang the agency I trust and spoke to L and told her about the tenant
and the ex’s latest antics. L said she knows A. K. because she used
to work with her and that A was always terrified and asking
constantly “what if I meet a man and the spouse is my client” L
said A is a Domestic Violence Support Worker, how fucking ironic is
that. I told L “I'm fucking raging, A.K obviously knows the law
regarding family homes, she clearly knows the swine well enough to be
calling him by the name only me, his mother and his brothers call
him, yet she lied thru her teeth about that, she clearly knows he has
children because all our belongings must still be in the house so how
on earth could she have put herself in that position at all” L
asked did I want her to call A on my behalf but I said no, she would
then be straight on to the ex and no doubt our whereabouts would then
be known by him. That A. K. is a fucking liability and should not
have the job she's got.
I
had a dreadful nights sleep with constant pain in my foot and ankle.
I keep having painful muscle spasms. I had physio using a sonic
machine which took away most of the pain and I was given new crutches
then taught how to walk properly on them. I have to go back in a
week’s time.
Del,
the social worker rang me. I told him all going on re: my visit to
family home, all our belongings been moved, the locks changed and
some woman renting the place without my knowledge, signature or
consent. He said the ex was walking a very thin line because what
he's done is illegal. Tell me something I don't bleeding know. I
ranted to him about C Social Work and told him something should have
been done re my first complaint about everything my eldest had to go
thru instead of them just listening to the ex’s lies. Del agreed
something should have been done but it's not his jurisdiction so he
cannot comment. I said you are supposed to care about kids. I told
him I want to return to education because I was only two weeks away
from my exams in the UK and I found a PLC course and have signed up
for it, he told me it's illegal to leave your eldest home alone all
day. I went fucking ballistic, absolutely fucking ballistic. I
reminded him it was illegal, all the abuse, the abandonment and the
starvation my son went thru at his fathers hands and no one gave a
bollix then even when it was reported by me and I need this education
so I can get work and get us out of the poverty the ex is ensuring we
all suffer from, my fucking son is now 6ft tall and has no trousers
that fit him because I have no money to buy him any. Del said he was
just quoting the law, I said the law is a fucking ass but I had to
withdraw my college placement so no education and no socialisation
for me. BASTARDS.....
The
London solicitor emailed me, he said sorry but we cannot make
International calls. I emailed back saying because I'm now in Ireland
and going thru the court system here and I need to cancel all divorce
proceedings in London. The ex and his by now 3rd solicitor
have kept trying to get all maintenance proceedings thrown out here
in Ireland because they are claiming proceedings in London re divorce
are at “crucial stage” which is total bollix, lies and games. I
cannot believe the ongoing cruel tricks and mind games of that mental
head case, it wasn't not bad enough giving me a life of hell for
eighteen years, he's now fighting me thru the courts at every step,
his ongoing neglect and abandonment of his boys will be paid for one
day. He is a monster and we are well rid of him. And what the fuck
are solicitors doing lying thru their teeth. Do they not have to
swear on oath like us mere minions, I never met as many liars in my
life that are legally trained.
ESB
sent me a letter threatening to cut me off in this house because they
claim I'm in arrears of nearly €500 in the cottage. I rang them at
9.55am, I told them this was now my 7th call to them, the
bill is for the cottage which had been put in my name without my
consent and I wasn't even in the bloody country and I can prove it.
The woman said she will send the bill to the occupier of the cottage,
she said the cottage electricity will now be disconnected. I don't
know what the fuck is going on. I sent all info to B. M my solicitor.
I
started counselling and I'm seeing P again from F.L.S, she said I'm
not ready for anything in-depth yet and this is crisis counselling to
help me thru current difficulties. It was very nice to be told that I
have a fantastic personality, great strength and character and of
will and survival. If only that would sink into my tired brain.
What
a mess I'm in at the moment. I feel trapped. I cannot access the
education I want because “it would be illegal to leave eldest home
alone” it was okay for his father to leave him whole weekends home
alone tho. It seems men can do whatever the fuck they like. I cannot
get any kind of a job here, the village is so small that family and
friends are employed first because they all know one other. My eldest
is far too damaged in spirit to go to school. My youngest is amazing
but showing signs of resentment. I'm feeling alone and lonely and
sorry for myself. I have no spare money at all, my kids need clothes
and shoes and winter coats. I have for once in my life got absolutely
nothing for them for Xmas, my sons said they are Atheists (god love
them) and said they do not care, but I bloody do and so should that
bastard that sired them. I hope he rots in hell and never finds a
days happiness.
That
swine had the cheek to tell me on the phone “on a scale of one to
ten all eldests problems stem from being abandoned by his mother”
as if. It was my eldests choice alone to stay behind and only that
was down to that swine splitting the family down the middle, yet when
my eldest needed me I returned for him. I gave up everything as did
my youngest, at least my kids know who comes first with me, they know
they are loved and they know that the swine does not give a shit
about them, he never has and he never will, all he did was use my
eldest till he no longer needed him and he had no contact with my
youngest at all until I shamed him on his website into doing so.
I
chatted to P about how I felt. I told her because I'm an emotional,
wear my heart on my sleeve wreck and what you see is what you get
person that I always react immediately and I would rather be seen as
“the fucking psycho bitch” than a cold, cruel, vindictive love no
one, emotional retarded bastard who cannot be trusted or depended on
for anything, he would get you hung with the lies he tells and I will
NEVER let anyone get away with lying about me. She said “you are
loyal, warm hearted, genuine, a carer and not a user of anyone and I
wish you cared less about what he said to people who don't matter”
I told her “all I have left is my pride and my reputation and I
will be damned if he takes that from me too”
Lovely
M the Education Welfare Officer rang me, she said she would call to
the house tomorrow to discuss home tuition for my eldest. She said he
will get 9 hours per week but it will take a while to set up. She
asked me “how are you getting on with Del” I said “his
philosophy seems to be leave the school for the time being to take
the heat out of the situation and he reminds me of a Jack Russell
dog, all bark and no action but he's okay as long as I don’t let
him walk all over me and he now knows that's not an option in my
case” M is a lovely, down to earth girl, I can talk to her about
anything. I told my eldest she was coming to house and he agreed to
talk to her “if I'm awake” which is fantastic. My eldest has
awful insomnia at the moment.
I'm
getting worried about my youngest now. He has slept in my bed three
nights in a row. I know it's freezing and I have the electric blanket
but it feels like the equivalent of a child wetting the bed, which
means something is worrying him. I will have to wait and see if he
wants to talk about anything on his mind. He's a fantastic boy and
doing great at school now.
God,
please give me strength to cope with everything.
I
rang the solicitor, she had no reply to her letter telling A.K. to
get out of the house. She said “do not fret about it because I will
inform the judge on Dec 13th” I bet she wouldn't be
saying that if it was her house. I rang F.L.S and spoke to P, she
said “it’s plain and simple, just call the Garda, it's your
property, she's in house illegally” So I rang the Garda for almost
two hours, ringing both Garda stations in the area and no one
answered, it's just as well it wasn't a matter of life and death.
I
googled A. K's name and found her work number. I rang and asked for
her, I explained who I was and got told “hold on” then I was told
“she's in a meeting” then I was told “she's left the building”
just like fucking Elvis eh!! I asked the person on the phone to take
a message and pass it on to A.K for me. I said it's an emergency and
A needs to call me.
She
rang me after an hour, my eldest recorded every word I said on his
phone and saved it on his computer for me. I know she's a lying bitch
as to what she'd told me previously about not knowing my ex so I was
taking no chances of her lying about anything I was going to say to
her. She appeared very concerned asking “how did you get my number,
how do you know where I work, I consider you contacting me this way
as intimidation, I know you were in the cottage last Friday” I was
polite up till that point then said “off course I was, it's MY
bloody house” I read out to her the email I've written for her, she
got in a panic then, she was worried I now had her email address, she
stayed very quiet as I read it out, I told her “if you're not out
of the cottage by Friday I will come along with the Garda and
personally evict you and I still want a copy of the keys, of the
contract and proof of any rent you are paying” She wanted my word
that she would never hear from me again. The cheeky bitch, in our
house, surrounded by our things and she feels intimidated. She ain't
seen nothing yet. BITCH.
I
could scream the place down. I went for a walk, it's pissing down
with rain. Here I am worried sick about my boys having little on a
daily basis and me having fuck all for my sons Xmas and she, a
woman's support worker for a Domestic Violence Agency is paying my
soon to be ex husband €300 per month in rent for the cottage that
I've not given my consent nor signature for her to do so and he also
gets London property rent plus his wages, the wicked, evil bastard of
a man and that stupid cow should know better. The fucking audacity of
them. She is living under my roof, in my house, sleeping in my bed,
using my kitchen and my toilet and the cheeky bitch has the audacity
to tell me she wants my word that she will never hear from me again.
Stroll on, there is not a cat in hells chance will I do her bidding.
Whilst
I was out walking and thinking and hobbling on crutches I heard a cat
cry constantly under a car, the tiniest kitten I ever saw was on its
own, the poor wee thing was soaked, I knocked on a few doors trying
to find its owner but no one answered so I popped the kitten into my
coat and took it home with me and it would not stop mewing. Only when
my eldest came down did he see and tell me the kitten had a bad leg
so the wee thing must have been crying in pain. I got a vet's
appointment for 5.30pm, the poor wee soul had a greenstick fracture
and was given an injection. I was charged €30, FFS. It's absolutely
freezing outside so I doubt it would have lasted the night under that
car. I called her Willow.
Brid
my new friend rang me, she's working and wanted me to go down and
keep her company. I had a good night of laughter and joking, I've
missed out on a social life for 18 whole years.
M,
the Education Welfare girl came on Friday, my eldest hadn't slept but
he agreed to stay awake to talk to her, she told him he had three
choices, go back into school or Home Tuition which they will fund or
Mum giving home education, there was no chance of me ever doing that
again and none of this answered any of my worries over the no
socialisation for my eldest. I told M once eldest had caught up with
his sleep then he and I would have a proper chat about it all and I
would let her know his decision.
The
kitten peed all over my bed, yuck. My youngest, bless him brought me
breakfast in bed because my foot and ankle was really killing me with
pain. How lovely is he.
I
chatted to my eldest about the choices M spoke about, he decided to
go for the funded Home Tuition “as long as any tutor is not a
prick” this will leave the door to formal schooling open in case he
decides to go back one day. He needs to get seen by the doctor who
then will sign forms for this to happen. We’ll go and see the
doctor on Monday.
A
reply at last from that swine’s solicitor, claiming that my
solicitor B. M knew all about the tenant and that three letters had
been sent to her about it, he went on to say that due to my conduct
and harassment of the tenant that the ex is reducing maintenance. I
fired off an email to my solicitor B.M asking what the hell was going
on and I want copies of everything because I'm obviously being kept
in the dark.
The
very next morning in the post came a bundle of copy letters from the
ex's solicitor that I've never seen before or even been told about.
It looks like as soon as the last court date was over he moved A.K
into the cottage and everybody knew about it except the very person
who’s permission, consent and signature was needed, MINE, they are
all a shower of bastards.
A
letter at the very back of the bundle was from my solicitor to the
ex's solicitor stating: “Re your correspondence, I can confirm that
all letters from you are passed to my client” - utter bullshit and
lies. I hate liars.
I
sent an email to my solicitor demanding that she tells them what
she's written is not true because I will not be made out to be a liar
by anyone. She replied the next day saying “I agree the other side
appear to be out to seek trouble against you” What the fuck is she
on about, she lied that I was receiving all my ex's correspondence
from his solicitor when I did not receive any such thing. FFS she
could have just said sorry, I messed up, I took my eye of the ball
and it won't happen again but no, nothing of the sort was written. If
I can't trust my solicitor to tell the truth, who the hell can I
trust? She advised me not to say anything and said she will explain
all to the judge on the day. This is a disgrace. I rang N at the
agency I trust and she said it's all ridiculous with the solicitor
and what did I want to do, my reply was, there's nothing much I can
do as no documents will be given back to me until the solicitor has
been paid and I have no money, they have got me by the short and
curlies. All I can do is hope and pray that truth and justice will
prevail, he's lied about me, he's lied about our kids, he's lied
about his income, but he will look anyone in the eye and say he's not
lying, what a total mind fuck he is.
Both
me and my youngest have caught a nasty bug, we have painful heads and
painful muscles and now my youngests tonsils are inflamed and puss
filled, god love him.
Xmas
is 4 weeks away and I have nothing, absolutely nothing. I need a
miracle and they are in very short supply. My poor kids. I have bills
coming out of my ears, I cannot afford oil to heat this house, we are
walking around with duvets over us. That was another total fucking
humiliation. I hate asking anyone for anything, the house is fully
furnished but had no duvets on the beds, N convinced me to swallow my
pride and go and ask the Community Welfare Officer for help. V. C. a
horrible bitch of a woman, told me “Ah god love ye, can’t help,
if it was your own place I could help but because your renting I
can't” I had to walk out of that place feeling like a piece of
shit on her shoe with tears rolling down my face. C my lovely friend
and old neighbour gave us the duvets of her beds after ringing me up
to see how we were and caught me upset so after I explained to her,
she brought the duvets from her own house out to us. I will never be
able to repay all her kindness to us.
I
can only afford one bag of coal per week and that only lasts for two
days, there is no back boiler so the whole house cannot be heated.
What the fuck has happened to us and how can that swine get away with
all the finances he has hidden, he had €490,000 go thru his sole
bank accounts and not a penny did he give to me to call my own except
when I left him and living in private accommodation in London
swallowed that up quickly. I believe that man is the psychopath he
always called me and my eldest, he has no conscience at all. The Evil
Bastard. His whole family are warped, even his Mother is twisted,
sending my eldest Xmas and birthday cards but gave my youngest
nothing, so daddy learnt how to divide and conquer from his own
mother.
All
I want is to be able to get the basics we need, I do not want
diamonds, designer clothes, just the fucking basics in life. The kids
do not complain at all but I so want them to have something on Xmas
day. When I think about all the years I provided mounds of presents
for them and now I'm reduced to complete and dire poverty. I keep
praying to anyone’s god to help me get enough money to cope, to
just give them their first Xmas without their father a happy one,
they so deserve it after all the shit and drama they have gone thru.
I just want a break from all the stress, stress kills and it will get
me in the end. I need to stay strong so that evil man’s ongoing
cruelty and mind games and neglect do not drag me down, it does not
matter that he does not want to be a father, he should just pay up
and fuck off and leave us alone, they at least have one decent parent
in me, that’s all they ever had anyway and I'm trying my best to
stay strong for them but this is so tough and I'm only human.
My
youngest is still feeling ill, his cold is now on his chest, I will
take him to the doctor tomorrow.
I'm
hardly sleeping at all, the cold keeps waking me up, the house is
like an ice cube, I checked on my sons. My eldest was fully clothed
but my youngest was stripped and I touched his shoulder, he was as
cold as marble. Jesus Christ I have got to do something about this, I
would love to meet the ex and knock seven shades of shit out of him
for doing this to his own flesh and blood. All I want is the
maintenance he's court ordered to pay, half the house because it's
legally mine to have, then he can go and fuck himself. I sent him an
email telling him what I think of him leaving us living like this.
The wanker that he is.
Brid
dropped into the house to see me, she is a lovely girl. Then C rang
me. I was lucky when I met these friends.
I'm
in a bad way spirit wise, everything looks bleak, we need heat, food,
clothing, shoes, coats and money.
C
rang, she asked me what I'm getting the boys for Xmas, after a while
I told her I cannot get them anything at all, the swine of an ex is
not paying what the court ordered him to. She told me to find out
what they would like and she will get it for them, she said we all
need help at times and you can one day help me. She said she has one
condition only, that I have to keep it to myself and not tell the
boys. I know my eldest wants a guitar and my youngest wants a DS, she
said leave it with her. C is such a good friend but I'm mortified and
I hope I can re pay her one day.
Court
Day
I've
not slept at all. I've been sick and now I have got the runs with
nerves. Why is he fighting this continually. N came to get me and
drove me to the court, my belly flipped as soon as we got to the
area, there was no sign of him.
N
got us into a side room away from the packed out foyer. B.M the
solicitor arrived, she told me the ex claims I had €37,000 from him
and handed me a copy of his Statement of Means which did not add up
at all. B.M told me we would not be seen by the Judge till after
lunch so N took me to the local hotel for a cup of tea. On the way
out I saw his car and my dog was in it, she barked like mad on seeing
me then started whining when I went up to car window. I tried the
door, it was locked, the poor dog. I asked N “why the hell has he
brought my dog here” she said “why do you think, it is all done
to rile you” I couldn't eat so I just had tea. B.M handed me €120
and said “its maintenance” so why was I only getting it now. I've
lost count of the weeks he's missed paying and left us in the shit.
Back
into court and we went straight into the Judge. I nearly died when I
saw the ex. He looked old, ill, and haggard. N was allowed to come in
with me and told me “the way you see him now means the rose
coloured specs you previously wore when it came to him have come off”
He took the bible on the stand and swore on it, how it did not burst
into flames I don't know. He was very nervous and that made me happy
because he would not be able to bully anyone here, he proceeded to
come out with the biggest bullshit I ever heard in my life, “my
wife spent money like water, I have the receipts but haven't got any
with me today” his solicitor then shouted “she squandered all the
money she left with” the Judge then said “it looks like he is
very good at squandering money himself” his solicitor then stated
how I'd been harassing the tenant and I was so incensed I forgot my
own nerves and shot my hand up to speak. I told the judge “I seem
to be the only person here who knew nothing about any tenant, I only
found out when I travelled to the family home and found I was barred
access because the locks had been changed, he moved into the family
home one of his many online women without my permission, my
knowledge, my consent or my signature” I told him about all the
missing money from the ex’s accounts, that even his current
Statement of Means didn't add up, the judge read his statement of
means then said to me “I know he's lying, you know he's lying but
my hands are tied without up to date Bank Statements” he then asked
the ex why he was renting a two bed apartment then he answered his
own question by saying “for the kids I suppose” again I shot my
hand up into the air but B.M waved me down and spoke herself telling
the Judge “he does not see or have contact with his children
because the eldest child suffered deprivation at his father’s
hands” the ex raised his eyebrows at this. The judge ordered him to
pay €140 per week. His solicitor tried to make a big deal about me
making a complaint to A. K's work place. He said “she's now scared
and will not return back to the cottage” Good, I'm pleased about
that and if it makes her think in future especially with the work she
does for women like me then I hope she's learned a very big lesson.
19th
December
No
maintenance arrived and I was in pure panic mode, the bastard, the
rotten bastard. I rang the solicitor and got told nothing had been
handed in. I sent him an email and a text and got no reply, the
bastard, everything will be closed until the first week of January
and we have nothing. We have FUCKING NOTHING...
Brid,
my friend came round to the house and handed me a hamper that her pub
collects for the poor every year and I was in tears at her kindness.
N rang the solicitor to make them contact the ex's solicitor directly
about nothing being paid, he is one twisted bastard. N rang me at 4pm
and said she just found out he's now paid the maintenance into my
solicitors office and they will get it sent by swift post but I might
not get it in time because Xmas post holds up all post. I had such a
headache with the stress of it all. He knew exactly what he was
doing. It is just badness.
N
came out to see me the next day with a Xmas card and there was €100
in it, I was shocked and delighted, she asked me if I wanted a lift
into town but I was still waiting for the post to arrive, this woman
has been a god send to me since I first contacted her from London
before my return, she gives me so much confidence in myself, she
tells me I'm an amazingly strong woman with a great sense of humour.
She said she would see me after the New Year.
Swift
post arrived, thank you god, there was €490 cash inside with a hand
written note from him addressed to my solicitor. Not a word of have a
happy Xmas to his sons, not a Xmas card either, he stated on the hand
written note “I cannot afford to pay the full amount of maintenance
so I'm halving it to €70 per week” which he's not allowed to do
because it's breaking the fucking court order and he stated that
“€300 is for the boys Xmas” I rang N straight away and she said
he's crazy and knows exactly what he's doing because everything is
now shut down for Xmas. My rent is €108 per week and keeping a roof
over our heads is the most important thing and my rent is based on
the maintenance I'm court ordered to receive whether I receive it or
not and I have three weeks rent to pay totalling €324, this is a
fucking nightmare. I put €50 each for the boys on the mantelpiece
and was left with €66 plus what N gave me. I had to make the best
of it for my sons sake, at least we are free of him as N said. But we
aren't because he's still in control of whether we eat, if we have
heat, if I can pay my rent, he's still in control of every fucking
thing as per usual. I hope his balls get gangrene and drop off.
C
came to visit, it was so lovely to see her, she had a bag of clothes
for me that she no longer wears because they do not fit her and
because I've lost so much weight she thought they would fit me, I now
also have a coat to wear. She left the Xmas presents she got for the
boys and I wept so much at her kindness that she cried too.
Xmas
Day
My
first Xmas in 17 years as a lone parent, it's lonely being me, a big
smiling face for the outside world and crying inside, I've not had
any chance at all to heal from me leaving him. It's the first Xmas
for my sons without their father, not a text, not a call, not an
email did he send them. I woke up at 5am, I heard my eldest up and
called him into my room, I asked him to go into my wardrobe and get
me something behind the clothes, he got the guitar, he was very
surprised and happy, bless him, we spent ages talking, he said he'd
been awake since 4am. I tried to get my youngest up but the poor soul
said no because he was freezing and said there's no point anyway. I
told him there was small gift downstairs for him so he got up then, I
got eldest to hide the DS in his pillow and he told my youngest to
search, my poor lovely baby was so genuinely happy and surprised, it
made my eyes well up with tears. I owe C so much for her kindness,
they would have had nothing without her and I owe that man a punch in
the fucking jaw to have stitched me up like that money wise knowing
it would affect the kids and at Xmas too.
I
was so angry that I wrote an open letter to a separated father on a
parenting board and got many replies. I also sent it to him and to
his “online bitch” B. I doubt he would have shared what he did to
his wife and kids with all these women. Writing that online letter
did make me feel better. I had a mixed bag of emotions today, I felt
such a failure as a mum unable to provide for my kids when I had done
every other year of their lives, I felt sadness at being alone, I had
laughter and tears but at least we were all together and my sons were
fine. My eldest wanted his Xmas dinner early and he wolfed it down,
he said it was fantastic,high praise indeed, he went to bed early
because he was shattered having been awake since 4am.
My
pal D and his son C sent us a Xmas card with their voices recorded on
it, it made me laugh my head off, he wanted us to meet up and go out
with our other parenting website mates for New Year's Eve but I told
him not to depend on me going anywhere because I've never been out on
new years before and I wouldn't want to leave my boys and they had
nowhere else to go. I hate New Year’s Eve at the best of times, it
always makes me sad and this will be the first I've spent alone in
all these years. D deserves to go out and get himself a lovely woman
and have some fun for a while, he's a great dad and a good mate to
me.
30th
December
My
eldest woke me up early. He was talking about the rights and wrongs
of the death penalty because Saddam Hussain got hung at 3am.
I
went to the post office to collect my weekly Lone parents. I could
cry, it's means tested and the social welfare have calculated that
I'm getting court ordered maintenance of €140 per week so I'm not
entitled to anything more and I have to pay rent of €108 and then
keep the three of us on what is left which is €105. No one will
listen to me that I'm not getting what the fucking court ordered.
I'm
convinced my ankle must be broken because it’s not getting better
and the pain is torturous. I'm still on crutches after 3 months, the
x-rays were clear of any break tho, how long does it take for torn
ligaments to heal. I wish to god something could go right for once.
I
got pains in my right ovary and was scared shitless. I had to have an
operation before in the UK to remove an ovarian cyst but there is no
one to mind my sons if that needs to happen again. I went to the
doctor who told me it would need further investigation but I know
that meant an operation so bugger that because I have no one to have
my sons for me if I go to hospital.
31st
December
My
sleep pattern is up shit creek. I've been awake since 2.45am, the
weather is dreadful, it's freezing cold inside the house and out of
it. Brid invited me down to her house for the New Year because she's
having a party.
What
did I do this year
I
left the ex after 17 years. I left my eldest with his father as he
refused to come with us. I moved to London with my youngest. I got
very ill with stress. I landed in hospital with migraines and
palpitations. I started college and met some lovely people who became
friends. I found the ex on various dating websites, I pretended to be
someone else when he asked me to come back to him. I found out
exactly what he thought of me and how he talks about me. I had to
quit college two weeks before my exams to return to Ireland for
eldest. We got left to rot in the cottage once again. I met N who is
a blessing to us. I re met P who helped me during those awful times
re my ex. We moved to S. I've been to court 3 times about maintenance
we're not getting. I started a PLC course then had to quit because it
was illegal to leave my eldest home alone. I tore all the ligaments
in my ankle. The ex refused to pay what the court ordered him to pay.
I got A.K evicted. I found an injured little kitten. I tried to be as
strong as I can be given the circumstances for my sons.
I
was fine till the New Year bells went, then I sobbed my heart out,
and so did my youngest. My eldest was fast asleep so me and my
youngest walked down to Brid's, she was so pleased to see us, she
gave me a signed Xmas card from Ronan O Gara, I was thrilled with
that because he's my idol. I had a few drinks then my youngest and
Brid's son made me tea. We walked back home at 7.30am, I could not
believe the time. As I hobbled home on my crutches my youngest
repeatedly said “what” every time I spoke to him so I would say
it again then he would tell me to stop repeating myself. I nearly got
the hump with him about that as it felt like a husband reminder, a
husband fuck with my head reminder. I did not like my youngest doing
that to me one bit. But what a change going out after doing fuck all
and going nowhere for the past 18 years. It did me the world of good.
My
hopes for the New Year.
My
eldest back to how he used to be and out and about again and happy.
My
youngest to be happy and not so resentful about coming back to
Ireland for his brother.
Money,
because poverty is the most awful thing to cope with. I don't know
how I did cope.
An
education for me.
Learn
to drive so we have freedom of movement.
No comments:
Post a Comment